Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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