Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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