i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
