Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
