If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
