So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Sorry about my life...
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
