Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
