He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
