Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
