But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
