Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
