Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
