I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
