And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
