We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
