I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Randomize
