worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
