It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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