My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
