Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
