I accidentally had phone sex last night
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
