Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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