About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
