Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
