it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
