Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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