So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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