Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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