Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I need to sanitize my soul.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
