It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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