Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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