I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
