just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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