I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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