If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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