I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize