Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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