can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
