why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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