the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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