I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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