My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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