the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
