another moral hangover. fuck.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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