Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I think my vagina is haunted
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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