These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She's the barista slut.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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