If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
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