You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
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