K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
