Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize