just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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