My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
