we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I could make wine with my vomit
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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