It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
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