I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
