So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
