I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
