What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize