my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
