Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
