I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
