It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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