You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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