you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I want a musical about memes.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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