i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
