lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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