I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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