i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Randomize
