every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
