she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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