I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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