oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
