you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
