First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Randomize
