Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
