it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
