Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
