I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize