thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
